Bills in Congress relieve other threats to the President by requiring broadcasters to balance popular shows with shows no one listens to (the "Fairness Doctrine"), or limiting the number of franchises that can carry Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity so most Americans will have to listen to that local guy with the cleft palate. The threat posed by Sarah Palin is being handled privately, as the dozen Associated Press "fact-checkers" that tailed her during the campaign are still on the investigation.
A nagging problem with the President's security is that Google Maps still shows Obama's where abouts if you type "Obama" into the search bar. The White House corps is trying to resolve this problem. In the mean time, an Executive Order bars any use of Google inside the U.S., other than Image Search.
Early life and career
Barack Obama was allegedly born in Honolulu, Hawaii to Stanley Ann Dunham in 1961. Early on in his life, Obama was confronted with a variety of religious, philosophical, and political views. His Kenyan father Kanye West had been raised as a Muslim, though later became an atheist. Obama spent the first twelve years of his life in Indonesia, where he was schooled in an Islamic madrasa on the need to behead infidels like you. He also studied in Hawaiian terrorist camps, while also being enlisted in Iraqi terror camps full-time.
Obama's experience in Hawaii prior to statehood in 1979 proved to be an informative experience. In the 1960s and 1970s, during his formative years, Hawaii was governed by tribal leaders who regulated nearly every aspect of island life. As a result, major industries such as pineapple harvesting and canoe-building were fiercely efficient, and Hawaii prospered. These tribal leaders earned Obama's respect and adoration, and he aspired to become one of them when he grew up. Their policies of wire-tapping and otherwise keeping tabs on Hawaiians did not bother Obama, as he "felt safe and secure."
In his late teens, Obama gave up his Muslim heritage and converted to Christianity Obama emphatically affirms his Christianity (especially after one of those occasional slips of the tongue). As an adult, he adopted as a preacher and spiritual mentor the charismatic Rev.Jeremiah Wright, notorious for colorful turns of phrases, such as, "God damn America...U.S. of KKK-A." But Obama wasn't listening when Wright said any of those things for twenty years. Honestly, a lot of Christians doze off in church. In 2008, Obama distanced himself from this heritage too.
After attending high school in Hawaii, Obama attended the prestigious Columbia University. He was quickly disillusioned by the vastness and inefficiency of the continental United States compared to the state-regulated, strictly controlled life he lived in Hawaii. He graduated from Columbia in 1983 with a major in political science and two minors, both inredudancy. He then moved back to Chicago, a city called the home of "machine politics" for the machine-like efficiency with which it delivers benefits to residents. There Obama went to work as a community organizer. He is still fondly remembered for his work in organizing rigidly controlled community activities such as Little League games. He then ran for public office, perhaps to put his skill orchestrating these strictly regulated events to work on the entire state of Illinois.
President of the World
President Obama's charisma has led equally charismatic Libyan strongman Moammar Qaddafi to call for Obama to retain his office permanently. Nations of the United Nations ( U.N ). have taken up these calls for the installation of Obama as the leader-for-life of the free world, as well as all other ones. They admire his determination to bring America to the table of world nations (or to the dog bowl underneath said table). The government of China has volunteered to conduct the elections for this important post
source of: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Barack_Obama
